Harshest of Burdens
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: You led them to their deaths, but really you can't afford to cry when there's always going to be another battle. Deathfic. Mentioned shounen ai D18.


Diclaimer: I don't own the characters or the series. Amano Akira does. I'm just playing with them for a bit.

WARNING: Deathfic, potentially disturbing imagery.

A/N: Finished watching the anime and had to get some death out of my system. Damn you for being so sweet, Yuni and Gamma.

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Harshest of Burdens

It's eerily quiet, but then it's always quiet right after the battle ends. There are some pained moans and ragged breaths, the only sounds remaining as the echoes of gunfire and screams and crackling flames die out in your ears, soon to be replaced by the hurry of medics and desperate calls for friends and allies. You have won, but it's a bitter victory, one bought with a lot of blood and pain and suffering, and even though there are no tallies yet and no lists or questions you already know there will be much fewer people walking out than the number you led in today.

It's a harsh burden, the one of a leader, but someone has to shoulder it and even if it pains you it almost kind of helps a little when you tell yourself that some other leader would use this power for much worse purposes.

You see one of your men, a young and enthusiastic one who believed in you so much, his flame was the bright yellow of Sun and so bright as it burned and now it's gone and his ring is shattered.

You crouch down to close his empty eyes and pray for his forgiveness.

They start to come to you, now, your closest men and closest friends, here's Gokudera who is only concerned for your sake, and Yamamoto will have a new scar to add to his woefully growing collection but at least they're alive. Reports are coming back from every direction, west wing secured Boss, everything calm in the north, and a word comes in from the east but it's not the right voice even if the words are right.

You don't even bother asking over the radio, you just hurry to the east, your friends follow you without asking why you're going and perhaps they read the fear in your eyes because they refuse to stay even when you tell them to. You're literally flying through the corridors, your flames still bright even after all the fighting, casting strange shadows in the corridors where the lights have gone out, leaving the dead and wounded in the dark where those who still can may moan in their pain.

The silence continues here, the one where only the most painful sounds survive, and you see the man who reported in and it's not the right one. He sees the question in your eyes but cannot answer, his gaze falling, and as you hurry past him deeper into the maze of corridors you almost feel like dying yourself.

You find them in one small room, not just one or the other but both of them, you hadn't even thought they might both be there but then you hadn't even known who was supposed to call in. As you find them your flames die and you crash down on the floor, unable to move even as Gokudera and Yamamoto finally reach you, their questions dying halfway out their mouths as they, too, see the scene before you.

You wouldn't call them peaceful, not like this, not ever peaceful, not with Hibari's face stained with blood where there's supposed to be an eye and Dino's leg twisted all wrong like that, but neither of them seems to be in pain as they cling to each other. For a moment you almost allow yourself to be hopeful, to think they are merely unconscious, their arms reached around each other as though looking for comfort in sleep. There's too much blood, though, far too much blood and burns from the flames, and even before you go anywhere near you know they are both dead.

You will never know what happened in their last moments, you will never know what they said or thought or felt, not whether they were afraid or at peace or just waiting for the pain to end. All you know is that they died together, held in each other's arms in an embrace that could not shield from death, all you know is that they are dead because you led them into a battle and it's up to you to tell everyone and apologize just as you should.

The eleventh Cavallone is so young, not much older than you were when you received your title, but her eyes are solemn and she does not cry as you bring her the news, not listening to your apologies even though your orders have made her an orphan and it's okay really Uncle Tsuna. Her knuckles are white as she takes their weapons from you, though, grasping tightly around the whip and the tonfas, and for a moment you could almost swear her eyes are full of tears before she blinks and it's all away.

Her eyes are green, the deep forest green of her mother's, and you know Hibari hated her eyes because they made him think of her mother but he never hated the child herself, and at her official succession she speaks about her two fathers and you know she will be all right, she was raised by two of the strongest men you know of course she will be all right.

You go home afterwards, though, you go home and see the old box with seven small slots in it, six of them are empty but one now holds a ring, a ring with a gemstone of deepest purple, and for someone who lived his life so far away from people Hibari certainly died close to someone. You know Dino would tell you it's his way, he'd tell you how his precious Kyouya is just a hedgehog, all spikes and defence but really quite soft on the inside, but Dino will never tell you that again and Hibari will never glare at him and tell him to stop saying such nonsense and though you've always cried for all the people who fell for you you've never cried quite so bitterly as now.

You'll get up in the morning, though, you'll get up and go about your day, and if it hurts to breathe sometimes you'll force yourself to ignore it, you can't afford to cry over two deaths or twenty or two hundred, not when there are still thousands of men looking at you for your leadership. You'll go on and lead them into another battle, perhaps, there will always be another battle, there will always be people to protect and people who won't be deterred by anything but the strongest of forces, and really what are two more names on the list when you have spilled so much blood.

It's a harsh burden, the one of a leader, but someone has to shoulder it and even if it pains you it doesn't really matter because you have no choice.


End file.
